on the subject of toby and dating websites

i have been stripped of ANY sleep recently as i've been out every night whether that be to a 53 year old x-factor rejectee's crib or to toby's crackden (see pictures). however, this week has proved to me the negatives and positives of 53 year old men, druggies and boys in general. out of sheer boredom, i made a plenty-of-fish account which for those of you who don't know, is a FREE dating site. along with the generic, homicidal rapists there are some genuinely lonely people. this caused me to think at length about my most recent (failed) relationship. the reason as to why we broke up was due to the two things that worry every teen mother most - drugs and sex. it's true, drugs really can fuck your life up although in this instance, the heavy usage of meow and weed saved me from a lifetime of chauvinism and constant worrying about whether i was too fat etc. because, when you're a psychotic sixteen year old like myself, it's so easy to fall into the trap of changing your entire self for that one person. which is why i thank my previous sexual encounters for making a) my boyfriend (ex) think i'm a massive slut b) and by my boyfriend not trusting me, once again questioning my INDEPENDENCE. 

so last night, i went round toby's with 3g of kaos and detailed my woes to him and listened to outkast and destiny's child. love toby for lyf (mini shoutout) and thank you to all those people that actually read/listen to my shit. 

i need to sleep more

i’m just sitting here. my room is a mess, so fucking on so fucking forth. my head hurts my eyes sting. dunno whats going on. I opened the fridge and the box of crisps fell on my head. pepsi. pepsi. the cat is snoring. watching more episodes of scooby doo but i’ve seen every. single. one. and it’s like a dreadful playback of my worst memories and i know if i stay up any longer if i do i’ll have bad dreams. i always have bad dreams. my notebook is nearly full, i am almost poor. now i’m packing and packing and will next week come quicker. no. no. no. stay the fuck away from me. i can juggle i can’t dance nor can i sing but i can shout and scream and make a fuss but i don’t i never do and i’m always tired and i never eat infront of people anymore. i can’t sleep. i don’t want to wake up alone anymore and most of this is lyrics from my favourite songs, when yr mind was filled with air and mine with dirt and our most brilliant friends are doubting themselves.